Despre mine

J.D.Szilard "Demi"

Just a simple boy;)nothing more.blogul un mix de sentimente,daily life and partial monochromatic flavour...

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Demi's little life

Just my thoughts.doar gandurile mele,un baiat simplu si parerile lui;)citind blogul meu,veti afla cam totul despre mine:P.

Articole Blog

01. Caterie - Sep 6, 2018 3:46:00 PM
Keep remembering fragments of you,
the jokes you've made,
the way you cheered me up,
the smiles you gave.

You tried your best
and I pushed,
to the limit where you were,
caught between given up
and seeing how much more can you take,
my thoughts are,
that it wasn't the right time for us.

I still was caught up in my own things,
didn't learned yet how to give them up,
and you were full of life,
of joyful thoughts,
I couldn't sync myself to stop,
to absolve everything ,
to enjoy and live the moment
with you,with us.

Never known what to say,
I always wrote  down an a sheet of paper,
as white as it was,
my every dark or coloured thought.

Something is wrong with me,
I am dark,nothing personal ,
just can't control myself.

I am lost,caught in a tangled web,
a maze a labyrinth of thoughts,
my deepness cries,
for the what if's
and what not's. 
02. Alta - Sep 6, 2018 3:35:00 PM
One day in another life,
we collide,
shatter in pieces,
rebuild as a whole,
once more I can have you,
look into your eyes,
when they are smiling back at me
with joy with love.

Embrace you in an eternal hug,
never let you go,
my love.

I wonder if out souls
live eternal ?
Reborn again,different time,
different set.

I wonder if I met you
in another life,long time ago?
What we were,because I felt so connected to you
in this one,and I wonder if I see you again
in a different time ,different set.

Felt close to you,so good
like a met you before,
I need answers, need more.

You told me once
you felt the same,
so what is the lesson,
should we learn and gain ?

And if we learn that lesson
we still be together ?
Or things change.
Either way you marked my heart,
engraved my soul.


03. Still - Sep 6, 2018 3:25:00 PM
Still can't believe
I am alone,and she is not with me
can't embrace nor settle down
to me everything right now,
seems pointless like empty ground.

Each decision lacks confidence
acting on impulse,not on ration,
lost o lot of time,
never will I learn my lesson.


Life carried me along,
forward to the break of dawn,
gave me chances,gave me hope
but I am here,still feel alone.

My mind sometimes forgets,
but my heart hurts,regrets.
Once in a while a lonely thought
brings me back to what I have lost.
04. Never again - Sep 6, 2018 3:19:00 PM
I miss her
because I let her in the home of my soul
gave her the key and free will.
Sometimes I miss her laughter
as it echoes inside my mind,my head.
Sometimes I miss her smile
as it flashes in my eyes.
Sometimes I miss her kisses
the warm embrace of her lips.
Sometimes I wish I could have done,
more for me,for her ,for us.

Probably I will remember her
to the day I am gone,
never going to see her,
never is going to be what it was.
05. EXpect - Sep 6, 2018 3:14:00 PM
Maybe I expected a couple of weeks more,now at the ending a whisper or a kind word,a gesture a farewell.
The world is big,maybe we collide,maybe in this vast land,our eyes catch up again,in a crowd ,in a distant land.
Foreign to us,but we feel familiar againenjoy a coffee with a select words spoken,but our hearts restlessly awoken ,and once more they beat a rhythm ,long time ago thought forgiven.
Always thought,that the world is big enough,to cover our tracks,to hide ourselves .
06. Warrior of light - Jul 5, 2018 4:07:00 PM
Life taught me
that I am inexperienced,
yet not fully aware.

Taking things for granted
need to show fear.,
fear of loss,
appreciate what I have,
what I have won,
fear of life,hold tight!
Be strong!Hold my temper.

Judge whilst  blood is cold
hold down on anger,
have patience, keep calm
good things will come.

I believe that dearly
don't lose hope
and love yourself baby.
07. Reborn - May 6, 2018 1:00:00 AM
I depart from my past love,
still wounded still hurt.
I move forward unto dawn
don't know the path .


I realize I been negative
all my life,
always unhappy ,
always miserable .

I need to search deep within
heal myself ,
more then skin deep .
Need my mind at ease.

Happy thoughts
to conjure .
Positive vibes in my soul,
change my madness .
Reborn. 
08. Sweet pain - May 4, 2018 6:37:00 PM
I followed my heart
blindfolded with lust ,
Even the past
the small imperfections ,
I loved you beyond .

I loved you like
there was nothing for me out there .
Loved you on the edge of my sanity ,
lost you in me incomprehensibility.

And when I did
I lost myself ,
Shattered in pieces
far beyond my grasp.

No horizon in front
I stood there and watched ,
a broken self ,
building against...
A beacon of hope ,
a creator of strength.
09. Creator - May 3, 2018 5:57:00 PM
When you shatter
In pieces of a puzzle
Pieces that you thought you lost
You lose yourself in the creation itself .

Rebuild yourself
From a foundation of trust
Rebuild yourself
And stay true to yourself .

You are a master
A slave to none
A creator of your kingdom
A king of your domain .

Fight like a Spartan
Love like there's no tomorrow
Live the moment
Live the fullest .




10. All that is not - May 1, 2018 6:45:00 PM
I ran so as I thought
from all that is there ,
and all that is not.

A misfit among all,
lost in comfort
don't  wanna stop.

I thought I am rational,
but i am not.
Reckless behavior.


Stupid decisions
all I lost ...
I taken from myself.
11. Control - May 1, 2018 6:43:00 PM
Perhaps I shouldn't
Build up such a crazy desire
Inside that burns with eyes on fire

Can never be free ,because I am always on the run
Hiding from my own reality,for how long .
Can I still evade can I still postpone
I am 27 should I still go on ?

Ended up now taking some risks
Leaving the comfort enjoying the sins
Plunging into unknown,feeling the shock
Absorbing everything that comes ...


I believe what I see,I believe myself
But underneath all I still lying
Still afraid of all.
Life is brutal won't forgive nor forget
If I am going though hell
Surely I won't stop .


There is a place for me also
Somewhere above
Hopes dies last.
And when it does
Abandon all,Abandon yourself.


2017 január 25

12. amidst - Aug 20, 2016 2:19:00 PM






    Amidst my thoughts
I share a blank stare,
surrounded by confusion,
I despair...

Lost I am not,
but uncertain of the path to take,
kill myself ,
dance on my grave.

Caught up
by my own mistakes,
loud voices, I shout
inside my confused thoughts.

Lost.. I am not,
but neither found,
taken,but now alone,
either way I am gone.




13. In toate un glas - Mar 25, 2014 12:43:00 PM






si cand credeam ca am gasit oaza de liniste,ca am gasit-o pe Ea             ,Ea un moment de liniste in aceasta lume asurzitoare,asi fi vrut sa te stiu ca pe o limba moarta sa iti cunosc doar eu toate secretele,tu sa fi un fragment dintr-un vers lipsa,care o ador,sa fi o enigma completandu-mi misterul .
                          Dar probabil te voi pierde caci pierzandu-te  dorul ma va călăuzi pana ce  tu vei fi doar un alt obisnuit,dar te voi tine minte,vocea ta pasiunea din ea,tristetea bucuria, un amalgam de trairi din ea te voi tine minte si candva imi vei reaminte ce am pierdut.Si ce pierd in continuare,Ea find una dintre Acele,sau poate chiar Ea.

                  Tot ce voiam,tot ce aveam, pierdeam prin simplul fapt ca refuzam.Tot ce asi fi vrut nu o sa am.Totul un vartej,totul doar fum,o spirala al unei nevoi ce a resimt din plin,nevoie de noi,nevoie de dor.Sa simt din nou.
           


            Timpul te invata
             sa nu iti mai pasa
             Ea te linisteste 
            rade puternic,rade fericita
             tot ce zice Ea,timpul nu iarta.


              Te pierde Ea,te regasesti in Ea
               dar Ei tot nu ii va pasa
               Dar tu prin un zambet surd
                O asculti,O simti,O vrei
               Te abtii caci te stii
               Ca tu niciodata nu vei simti


                   Timpul nu iti va permite
                   sa traiesti cu ea cum vrei
                    Tu te pierzi si ierti,
                    Si o vrei fericita
                   Dar tu nu stii ce vrei
                  De teama,de tine.

                 
                 

                         



14. Till - Feb 28, 2014 5:01:00 PM



Till I almost hate
mornings,evenings ,days
fuck you it's ok
fuck you because I want to
fuck you I don't give a fuck
it's always the fuck before all.



and after all the fuck
I just don't really give a fuck
you had my time my heart
you fucked it up
yeah you fucked up
yes I fuck you,
it's all gone.

the fuck
15. Mercy - Feb 16, 2014 10:39:00 AM
"I don’t want to be at the mercy of my

 emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them,

 and to dominate them."




16. Speechless voices - Feb 12, 2014 12:33:00 PM

After all, the fall is sweetwords hurt so deep,a dying of a simple soul,It’s not quite eternal…



Made of glass,shatter once morebreak ourselves,in a thousand and more.
Pieces of useverywhere we go,remind us sweetheart.Mortals!
Sins of the fleshwe crave for lustdevour our love, in speechless voices
Inside our souls.
17. Senseless desires - Feb 11, 2014 3:11:00 PM












U I carry on my unexpressed lips
words I swallow just to keep,eyes search for something missed.bodies align to reap,havoc on a silent night.
fall in and out,we lose sight,but keep in touchwe wage war,we the frontline.head through a stormit shreds us in senseless desires,above and beyond
reckless and higher.

18. Flaw of a love - Feb 10, 2014 3:29:00 PM




february  bring to me
the flaw of a love
 that sickened me.


tempt me to quit,
to reach out, grasp the cold,
to embrace that
emptyness is a form.


tempt me to quit,
make me fall so deep,
to feel lost, to feel weak.

make me do things that I regret,
make me sadder at the end,
make me whatever u want,
just do it quick 
before I'm gone.


it's not quit right
the things we want,
the loves we had
the lyes told,
they rotten the soul,
and prevail us
to be a whole.









19. Te va salva - Feb 9, 2014 7:42:00 PM
      Poate lucrurile nu sunt chiar cum ti-ai imaginat...numai un pic...incep asa...


Te-ai trezit  intr-o dimineata pur si simplu sfâșiat de panica si anxietate,intr-un minut poate zeci si zeci de ganduri se năpustesc asupra ta,iar tu doar,tu doar suferi nefiind capabil sa faci nimic?
                               Te cuprinde întreaga viata traita intr-un bol din sticla ,cu suficient aer cat de cat sa nu te sufoci,cand totul ti-se pare cladit din carti de joc pe un fundal de nisip miscator...cand totul pare pierdut cand te pierzi cand incepi sa nu respiri cum trebuie cuprins de teroarea viitorului,cand stii ca vei pierde tot,ii vei pierde pe toti cei apropiati tie, al caror voci si fete le vezi in fata ta,le auzi in mintea ta, ti-se sfasie inima,te simti pustiit... 
                     Te trezesti in acea dimineata mai ales in februarie,speriat si cu gandul de a imbratisa pe cineva,dar te intinzi prin pat,iti intinzi bratele sperand ca vei cuprinde pe cineva,ca vei atinge o fiinta calda care la randul ei te va cuprinde si ea,si in acel moment nu te vei mai simti pierdut,speriat,si sfasiat de panica,te vei simti iubit,dorit,mai viu ca niciodata,mai dornic sa iti traiesti viata ca niciodata.
                                   Dar...
iti intinzi bratele,si nu este nimeni acolo,nimeni!!!
Si in acea dimineata de februarie,frig, si nuante de gri, frig si tu singur zaci acolo in acele momente...stiind ca nimeni nu te va salva.
                    Trec si acele momente, iti revii usor,te obliga viata,rutina sa iti revii,aproape ca uiti,dar vei tine minte .
          Ce vei face in continuare...?

......
20. Storm of a real She - Feb 7, 2014 3:53:00 PM

     Storm of a real She


cold is the morning ,when I wake up
afraid of the fact that I'm mortal
I fear death
I feel lost,
felt lost in my dreams
which I forgot in 5 minutes
upon woken up

thoughts about what im going to do
scare  me,getting nowhere fast
nobody wakes me up
no warm lips kissing me
sweet tender love

no voice in the backround
telling me take care
I love you so much.
the routine slowly kills me
oh dear oh God,
days pass through  me
I'm passing through life.

where is the one
that calls me by my name
and hugs me so much
and puts  together once more
all my broken parts.



21. - Feb 3, 2014 5:26:00 PM

A remember tempus fugit



seems that air is one thing that keeps on wishing me a breakthrough, the hell we raised together in my soul, is mirrored by a wandering state of alternating heartaches, each one is unique and each one kills, kills more then it feeds the lost.

I wanted to be killed in seasons, killed in the leafs and set free by the wind.
always seemed that you were the only being ,in whose arms I felt sheltered by this terible reality,and you offered me something that I needed the most


22. Into the fray - Feb 2, 2014 1:44:00 PM
Into the fray

o reflecție a trăirilor  ce le simt eu,
trupul tau un ocean de viata
reflecta in ale ei adâncuri ,
de-a pururi, un suflet pierdut pe multe drumuri.


chiar daca esti aici
tot nu esti,dar eu te simt
departe de tot,
atentia ce imi acorzi, doar un ad-hoc.

in privirea ta desertaciune iubito,
pe mine nu ma vrei
esti atrasa de prospetimea aventurilor
in companie celor ,
care taiau in carne vie
sangele si vorbele lor false
te tin in suspans,
pana ce it all fades ,te lasa.


iubito eu te iert dar nu te uit
te vreau aproape dar departe,
de inima mea ce nu prea se mai zbate,
ce simte ca in zadar cea ce face,
dar mintea mea nu ii da pace,
o amorteste o bate.


tu prin tine traiesti cu cea ce altii te hranesc
minciuni si vrajeli,
pana te prind te dovedesc,
pana toti te aburesc.

dar simte si traieste
alunga teama,
 traieste la vida loca
pana la urma moka,
iti vei dori alinare,
iti vei dori pace

inca o sansa pentru stabilitate.


Volumes of S
Chapter  "14
sgk I
23. Sunday 26 "Day of Snow" - Jan 26, 2014 7:40:00 PM
Volumes of She
Chapter  "14
      Sunday  26  "Day of Snow"
 Imi doream o alinare,doream  compania ta, tu erai cea care ma linistea,care ma facea sa ma simt in stare sa mut munti.
Tu ai fost,esti si vei ramane adrenalina mea.
Tu erai inspiratia mea pentru toate,si imi dai in continuare inspiratie sa scriu,da...dar ce rezolv am dorinta sa scriu,dar este in zadar.
de ce?
cum tu nu mai faci parte din mine,sau nu vrei sa faci parte,pentru cine sa mai scriu?Eu scriam pentru tine,acuma ramas singur cu mii si mii de idei nu am ce face cu ele.
                                Afara ninge abundent da nu imi pasa,inainte era scanteia ce aprindea in mine o dorinta arzatoare de viata,acuma ma lasa rece,reprezinta doar un obstacol ce ma retine din rutina mea zilnica.
Ce frumos ar fi fost sa am amintiri cu noi,cum ne jucam in zapada,si oriunde asi fi fost ,oricand ar fi nins,m-asi fi gandit la tine la eu,la noi,si asi fi stat in loc si asi fi ras ca un prost,ca un nebun doar singur acolo,si nimeni nu ar fi stiut ca acel prost in acel moment traieste niste emotii si stari atat de puternice incat ii redau vitalitatea,dorinta de a continua.

                                  Oricum sunt locuri ,obiecte pe langa care trec sau le ating imi amintesc de noi,de "our moments spent together" si nu stiu daca aceste clipe ma ranesc sau hranesc.
Nu stiu daca vreodata te voi avea,nu stiu daca vreodata vom fi impreuna ,defapt nu stiu nimic.
                              Sunt  sigur ,ca te iubesc tin la tine foarte mult,si asi face sacrificii pentru tine.
 5 ani 



  Voi continua sa scriu sentimentele mele...cu rost sau fara,ele vor exista aici,vor servi ca amintire sau ca un seif.


           
24. shifted emotions - Dec 5, 2013 2:57:00 PM
shifted emotions




my dreams involve a passion from my heart
 lost in this world,driven so far,
 far from any reach and beyond.


 you are a word of silence
  is this loud spoken phrase
a book without name.

hidden on a shelf,
 far,far from any reach
reminds a neverending depth
 layer upon layer of shifted emotions
, backgrounded by changing states of mind,
 replenishes the body with constant fear
constant doubt.

 keep second guessing  the reliability of the estranged,
misleading behavior,no emotion what-so-ever
we as humans go a step down on an evolution level.

the masks we used to hide behind
taken us by surprise
they are in control of us
we are a shell of a shell of a spent bullet
no more meaning just sickens the essence.

diluated teardrop in an ocean of rain
all these humans make me go insane
it hurts to find out that I am lost
when I need to be found
shredded shattered ,sceam without any sound.


25. insomniacal delusions - Dec 5, 2013 2:45:00 PM
insomniacal delusions

you were my muse,
my beautiful,
my happy end, my all
your departure rotten my soul, my heart.

miss you in a hurry
 mirrored in a time still
my wandering body
driven by my wondering heart,
leads me to insomnia ,to many thoughts.


although i can sleep i wake up to you,
embedded in my mind,
cant stop thinking at you
my  insomniacal haunt
from the shadows of my brain
why cast this delusional  tricks?
can you feel that i am in hurt? in pain?
or you don't care,
love to drive me insane.


I took you for granted,
but babe I am human,
composed of broken  promises and heart
not skilled in the survival art.

but one thing is true
I really do miss you
even do months have passed
and the alienating process took hold of the game,
give us a couple of days,
 let them pass
you will see ,
that what is in out hearts
makes us lasts.

for a minute in the void
and eternal in this world.